Laughter is a gift from God and I love to laugh as often as I can.  I seek out happy, funny people.  I will wade through lots of comedy to find that one laugh out loud unexpected explosion of hilarity.    They say that “laughter is the best medicine” but they never say for what illness.  Did you ever notice that?  That’s because laughter is the best medicine for just about everything.  It makes you feel better about the sorrows in your life and the absurd unfairness of the universe from your tiny perspective.  Laughing releases a flood of chemicals that make you feel better all over.

“Finding the funny” in your life is a skill that can be developed, but only after you stop taking yourself and your so called problems so seriously.  I have spent most of my life looking for the left turn, the absurd, the path less taken in just about every conversation I have ever had.  When you train yourself to listen and view everything from a new perspective, the laughter and comedy appear.    

A while back, I was eating dinner with my family at an out door cafe and a point of conversation was brought up, and my son conceded the point by saying “Touche’!”  Now all my life when I heard that word my brain said “that’s French from the sport of fencing, and it means “touch” or in a wider meaning “one point for you”.    

But because my mind is always trying to nail together new things, this time my mind said “That sounds like a hairpiece for your butt.”  Toupee, Tush, Tushee.  I cracked myself  up and after laughing uncontrollably for a while I finally managed to share my new word with my family, who then joined in and we  all laughed hysterically!  I am sure a few people around us were wondering what could have been so funny.   We then each “riffed” on the idea using the new word in various forms.  “Is that natural, or is it a Tushee?    It’s absurd I know.  But that silly idea triggered one of the best laughs my family has had, and we refer back to it now and then, and it cracks us up all over again!

Finding smiles and laughter in your world depends solely on you.  You have to look  for and expect happiness to come bounding out at you.  It’s like a game of hide and seek.  If you don’t know anyone is hiding, you will never look, and they will not be found.  Laughs and smiles are all around you, in every nook and corner.  All you need to do is start looking, and once you train yourself to find the happy, you will have a never ending supply!

At my last family gathering which was filled with laughter and stories,  I was joking around to make everyone else laugh, and hit my own funny bone.  It had been a while since I had laughed uncontrollably, and it was such a wonderful release.   Understand that at this same gathering, we shared our concerns about aging parents, painful accidents, major surgery and life events and choices that had sad and terrible consequences.  There were no perfectly happy people at the table, but for that afternoon we were perfectly happy thanks to the gift of laughter.

So if you want to start seeing the funny in your world, here are my action steps for you to try:

Watch some stand-up comedy from your favorite comic.  After you laugh, stop for a second and try and see the new perspective the comedian just gave you.  

Find a free web service that will send you a joke a day.

Make a list of your top ten favorite  funny movies – and have a movie night with your family or friends and share them.

Start looking for funny.   Find out what makes you laugh consistently.  Then find more of it! 

 Stay away from comedy that has ego or hate at it’s center.   If the joke basically is “that other person is a moron and I am better than they are” you will not find the best funny.   Guess what? YOU are the funniest person, and you have to laugh at yourself and the stupid things you do should amuse you constantly, otherwise you are taking  yourself too seriously.

Find some funny people, and listen to how they think.  New ideas will start coming to you faster and faster, and before you know it, you will be “riffing” with the best of them.  Until then, enjoy letting them do most of the mining for comedy gold!

For the advanced degree in finding the laughter, go to an improv show.  It’s the best training in the world for finding the funny, and finding funny people!   For the quickest way I know to start training your brain to see the funny, get my book “THE IMPROV PERFORMANCE MANUAL by Nate Truman” on Amazon.com.    This intro to improvisational comedy and the mindset you need to develop can help you jump start your quest for the funny!  Plus there is a free bonus, right on the cover of the book!    Only you can choose to see the hilarious, crazy and ridiculous and then enjoy it each day you are given.   The journey of a lifetime begins with a small step and a big smile.     Now picture someone around you wearing their new “Tushee” and it peeking out of the top of their pants or skirt, and I dare you not to smile!     

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If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.   

1 Corinthians 13:2  NIV

Is love on your list of things to do today? Probably not.  The “To-Do’s” that seem to be on most everyone’s daily lists are worldly items.   Pick this up at the store, learn a new skill,  buy that item, close that deal, and make that follow up call, and so on. People seem to think that once they have money, power, knowledge and influence they will be a success and their list reflects that.

Take a quick look down your list and see if you can find one item you are going to do today that will build a loving relationship you currently have into a closer one.  If you look at your list now with this new focus, you should be able to find an act of service that you are only doing because it is for a loved one.  “Take kids to practice” “Get groceries” “Clean house” “Get oil changed” are all acts of service you do to keep your family’s world running smoothly – but do they know you do those things because you love them? Do you realize now, that is why YOU do them?

We do things and pursue goals for reasons.  If your “To-Do” list has become a weight of guilt around your neck, try finding your root reasons for why you want to accomplish each task. Just implementing this new focus that the unpleasant or repetitive tasks you do each day are to show love to your family, can change your outlook and attitude.  Having a motivating reason for doing something makes the doing a lot easier and more pleasurable as well.  You may also find you cross off a few items, because you have identified the root desire that put the item on your list, and you now no longer want to pursue that goal. 

Love should be at the top of your list everyday.  Add at least one item that is an outward display of love for another human being.  A phone call to a friend who’s having a hard time, a stop for coffee and conversation, a long hug for a spouse or child are good examples.  Then put that at the top of your list, and get at least that one item done today! 

The funny thing about doing this is YOUR day will be happier and more focused when you have love at the top of your list!

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“The great teachings unanimously emphasize that all the peace, wisdom, and joy in the universe are already within us; we don’t have to gain, develop, or attain them. We’re like a child standing in a beautiful park with his eyes shut tight. We don’t need to imagine trees, flowers, deer, birds, and sky; we merely need to open our eyes and realize what is already here, who we really are — as soon as we quit pretending we’re small or unholy.”

Unknown

Are you a “Joy Fountain?”  You are capable of choosing to be joyful every moment.  With each exchange with someone there is a choice.  You are in control of your decisions, not others, not the world, not fate.   If someone insults you, you can decide to return insult for insult, or you can decide to decline their “gift.”  Then it will still belong to the person who wanted to “give” it to you.   

Give only love, and don’t accept “gifts” of hate or guilt.  Instead offer grace in exchange, they are wounded people dealing with their own struggles.

A fountain flows, leaps, and sparkles, no matter who is watching it.

The next time you see a fountain in a park or public place, go and sit for a few minutes, and watch people’s reactions.

There will probably be children who marvel at the shooting waters. They want to point it out to their mother or friends.  The want to splash and swim in it.  Their innate urge is to dive into the joy and beauty.

There will probably be the timid adults who sit on the edge and dip in a finger, after making sure no one is looking.  Other’s may make a wish and toss in a coin.

The grumpy person will be frustrated that he has to walk around the fountain.  He might stare at the ground to make sure he doesn’t slip and frowns at the kids that are “in the way.”

In your circle of influence you can spout love and joy all the time, regardless of how people respond to your positive fountain.   Each time you consciously choose a loving positive response to another person, the change will be inside of you.  You are a wondrous one of a kind creation.  With each decision to honor the preciousness of others by choosing to see the good in them, or to offer kindness instead of selfishness, you improve your life.   So decide to sparkle, dance, and splash joy today. Become a Joy Fountain!

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“Chaos is in fact just an illusion created by your inability to perceive the order in which things truly are.” Alyson Bradley, Autistic blogger.

As a father of a 15 year old son who suffers from severe autism, my family has taken a less traveled path.  As a pastor’s son who grew up with church being a central part of my spiritual and social life, the church has played an important role in my world.

When worlds collide there is always chaos.  However, out of that chaos, I believe great good can come about.   Daniel Dage wrote a blog that very easily could have been about my son Nicholas, and the road we have traveled trying to attend church with an autistic child. 

In many ways we are blessed that Nicky is “easy” compared to many other children. However, the stress, the judging eyes, and just giving up and not going to church are all things my wife and I have dealt with over the years.  As his childlike “cuteness” has faded and he is approaching 15, we know we have unknown challenges ahead.

This one quote from a mom sums up why our really great special needs Sunday school class called “Friends of Angels” is not overflowing with autistic kids:

 ”Staying home is a more Holy, peaceful and rejuvenating experience for many families that have children with disabilities. Church is often a hostile, hellish experience where families are segregated or ostracized.”

Wow. The one place that should be a haven for these families, is often the place they are shown the least grace and compassion.  When we were “church shopping” after a move, unlike other families that would just check their kids into the appropriate classrooms, we did things differently.  The family would stay in the car and either my wife or I would go in and ask if they had any special needs teachers, for handicapped kids.  4 out of 5 times we would get a blank stare.   After asking a few other people if there was anyone who could help our “family by the side of the road,” we were often told “well, there’s a crying room.”  We would then drive to the next church.

With the help of another family with three autistic boys, we decided to build a class around our 4 kids.  Often the other father and I would be out in the playground during church when volunteers did not show up so our wives could at least get an hour of worship in.  Over time I have learned what the church needs to reach out to autistic families sucessfully. 

By listening with a differently trained ear over the years, one thing that stands out is that Autism truly is a “spectrum” disorder. Each child has to be included differently based on where they are in the spectrum. There needs to be an educated special needs volunteer or staff member at each church that is knowledgeable and listens to each parent.  That special teacher learns each child so one kid will be properly placed in with the “nurotypicals,” another in a separate class, and yet another in with the other kids, but with a helper.  

What many people don’t understand is the value and character building effect they will have on the whole church body.   Highschoolers who help out are forever changed into kinder people.  Selfishness falls away, and petty “chuch wars” disappear.  These special kids can activate sideline members to be included and find purpose in helping someone who’s problems are far more severe than their own.

Not every mom or dad can rise to the challenge and start a ministry – many are holding on by a thread and really need a lifetime of Christ like care from their church family.    Many churches all ready have classes for the disabled. In the past they were for either physical disabilities or Down syndrome. Autism is a whole new world of variables that won’t fit into a lesson plan.

At the very bottom of the comments one mom put it pretty clearly:
“I think if they (Church volunteers) complained to God about how hard it was that Sunday when my (autistic) son was there, God would have said “Find a way and minister to all my children. Not just the easy ones.” 

It’s not easy when being a Christian urges you to step out and minister to those who seemingly don’t appreciate it, or are not any “fun” to help.    However, I know what answer awaits all the helpers of autistic children and families:

‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink? And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You? When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’

 The King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.’

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“All our talents increase in the using, and every faculty, both good and bad, strengthens by exercise.”

ANNE BRONTE, 1820-1849

PRACTICE MAKES PERMANENT!
If you are not in the place where you think you should be, stop and think about what you have practiced. If you are in great physical shape, I know it is because of your eating and exercising practices. If your relationships are strong, loving and trusting, I know what you practiced when you were interacting with others. If your finances are all in order, you have little or no debt, and you have a plan for future adventures and expenses, I know the kinds of habits you practice. There is one little problem with practice though, the opposite is true as well.

Your daily time is limited, and each choice you make on how to spend each moment, sends you on a specific set of outcomes. A nap or some exercise? Spending 2 hours scanning the internet or 2 hours interacting with your loved ones? “Zoning out” to the radio on your drive home, or listening to a recorded motivational or educational book? It is the small consistent decisions that will, over time, send you on a whole new life path.

You know that if you want progress, you have to take action. Also, if you take massive action in one area, the other areas of your life have to be put on hold for a while. But just as a crash starvation diet does help you lose a few pounds fast, we all know it’s temporary. It’s the consistent healthy eating combined with regular exercise that is the real answer to staying in good over all shape.

Take a look at how you are spending your days, hour by hour. If you want to move in a new and better direction in one area of your life, identify a habit that is not helping you achieve your goals, and decide today to replace it with a better habit. Do NOT decide to workout for 4 hours, or run 30 miles. Go for a short walk. You have to break the mental habit, and that will take 3-6 weeks of regularly doing something new.

Choose only one habit to replace. I say “replace” not break, or stop, because with nothing to replace it, you will be back doing your old habit in a short time. You will have to consciously tell yourself “no, I am not doing that old habit, I am now doing this” for a few weeks. Each time you sucessfully do the new action, try and think of all the reasons why the new habit is what you want to do, and all of the positive things that will happen because you are taking action.
At some point you will just do the new habit, because it feels “right.”  You will just pull on your running shorts, or not even think to open your video game or turn on the TV, because you like the new you better, the one that is improving, instead of ignoring. Once you have successfully replaced the old habit, you can concentrate on intensifying and improving it.

If most of your life is about being a mom and serving your family’s needs, or keeping up with a demanding job, (or both!) don’t beat yourself up about the areas of your life that are not 100% how you want them. Fitness takes time and money, family takes time and money, survival takes time and money. There are seasons of our lives that shift the focus of our priorities. But no matter your situation, I am sure you can find a few small bad habits that are working against your true desires and direction, and then choose to actively shift them to a better alternative. Knowing you are taking a small step in the right direction will leave you in a much better place than guilt or self flaggilation ever will.
For long time success of reforming your life in all areas, slow and steady really does win the race!

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“The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.”

Michelangelo di Lodovico Buonarroti Simoni

If you want to take command of your one and only time here on Earth, the most important step is to have a set of clear, written goals.  I have read over many sets of other people’s goals, and 95% of them are standard wants and desires for items or situations that most people would agree could be a goal of theirs.  Financial security, weight loss or increased fitness, career success, bigger and better homes, cars, and so on.   Personal improvement goals and security or luxury goals do point you in a direction of action that will have you end up in a better situation than when you started.   

However, if you get out your list of written goals, and look at the long range goals, do they excite you into action?  Does the thought of eating small portions of egg whites and working out 3 hours a day to get to your “perfect” body fat percentage in 6 months bring a grin of anticipation to your face?  Or how about denying yourself any fun spending for 20 years so you can retire at some early age to then be able to do nothing all day and gloat about it to those still working?

Don’t get me wrong, I am all for implementing self discipline to achieve personal goals like these.  But how many people have had the above goals on their lists, only to give them lip service, or occasional effort?  Why is that?  The answer is simple, it’s because the goals are self oriented, and ultimately not compelling.

Now if you had a “world changing goal” at the top of these same goals, it changes everything.   It is all about whom you are doing them for, and why, that will create constant an enthusiastic  action.

Let’s suppose that you have a motivation to change a wrong in this world, or create a solution to a problem or situation that would literally change lives if you achieved it, even partially?   What if you needed the stamina that only a healthy body could give you, to be able to pursue that goal?  What if you managed to contribute so much at your job, or create something, that the money would flow to you, allowing you to retire from your daily job, so you could devote all of your waking hours to helping even more? 

From what I have read about Michelangelo, he was tireless, and always had more projects he wanted to achieve than he had time to do.  Bill Gates was tireless in dominating the computer world and the internet until that became too small of a goal for him, and now he’s tackling world problems.

 Bill Gates solving problems on a world scale

As far as I know, neither Michelangelo, nor Bill Gates is known for their rock hard abs.  Bill does have a pretty big house, but it wasn’t his long term goal.  It was a result of solving problems, and creating new ideas.  Michelangelo had money problems at times in his life, but relaxing in a big comfortable home was not his drive.   He worked tirelessly to release as much of the art and imagination that was in his soul as he could each day.   

I think Bill Gates is happier now, than when he was at the top of his game in the competitive world of computers.  Instead of his top goal of trying to dominate markets, his newer world changing goals are solving problems that help others.  He has always been driven to solve problems, but now his end goal, his driving force is motivated not by winning, or having the most money and stock, but by helping millions around the world live a healthier, more prosperous life. 

 When your over riding goal changes from looking good, and having things to impress others, to staying fit and using your things to help others, true happiness is achieved.   Abs and a mansion for you, or millions of healthy, better educated children because you lived?  Which of these goals would motivate you more?   In the end, which end result is truly more impressive?

I know, we don’t all have the talent of Michelangelo, or the resources of Mr. Gates.  But what if you modified your long term goals in your area of influence, to help one student? Support one great teacher with supplies, or started a movement to solve a problem in your town? Once you focus on how your contribution can help elevate and improve other people’s lives, you will change your part of the world, and leave a legacy that will bring you happiness. 

A world goal will outlive you, in ways you can not even dream of.  So write out your true inner motivation for each goal on your list.  Next, cross off a few that are only motivated by self centered desires.  Lastly, create your first world changing goal right now, and take the first small step of action before the day is over.  The universe only has one “you” to do the good that only you are in position to do. 

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“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
Ephesians 4:29 NIV

From before Plato and Socrates, to Dale Carnegie and all the current experts on relationships, people have been trying to figure out how to “make” other people like them, and then be able to influence them. I think we all would agree that life is more enjoyable with good friends to share our lives with. And who wouldn’t enjoy having influence on others when they have a strong desire to have something go their way? Before you wear yourself out learning skills to manipulate others into liking you, I would suggest that you first memorize and then put into practice the above sentence.

I think any “life coach” or motivational speaker of any religion would agree that if you lived out this one idea in your professional and personal life you would have many close friends and have great influence when ever you wanted it.

The first statement is important. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths,” that is very clear. If you gossip about others at work, and people know that about you, others may think of you as a good source of “dirt” but I doubt they would also want you to be a close and trusted friend. How do you feel about the person who makes the rude, condescending, off color, or racist remark, or is known for always putting a curse word into every sentence? For whatever reason people do this, it’s not to win friends. It’s to put others down, and try and build themselves up. To win friends and influence people you would do well to live by choosing your words carefully and work to “rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.” Colossians 3:8

Secondly we are urged to speak “…only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs.” Not only should we aim to say helpful words, but we should choose words that build up the other person. And we can’t do that “according to their needs” unless we have listened to them, and understand their needs.

Lastly, it urges us to speak so “that it may benefit those who listen.” What is the benefit for the other person in what you are saying? If you have that thought in your head, you will come up with helpful, specific and kind words on a regular basis. Do you have a friend who does that for you? Someone who really listens to you and you can count on them to say encouraging words that are helpful and specific? Wouldn’t you like more of your co-workers and friends to speak that way when you are with them? I know I would!

Take the time right now to memorize or print out this one short statement, and start today to apply it each and every time you open your mouth to speak. You will find that the rewards for you will be “winning” more and better friends, and new increased influence when you have something to say!

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“There is no chance, no destiny, no fate,
that can circumvent or hinder or control
the firm resolve of a determined soul.”
Ella Wheeler Wilcox

WRITTEN GOALS WORK.
They will set you on a course that you choose. With written goals, you can alter your heading and they will help steer you in a whole new direction. If you currently have goals that you know you will accomplish, I know you all ready have a written list of goals. They probably include long term goals, short term goals, personal goals, fitness goals, spiritual goals, as well as financial and career goals.

But even if you have worked hard at defining what you want in all of these categories, and are checking them off one by one, you may find yourself frustrated. If you sense that the “life ladder” you are busy climbing is possibly leaning against the wrong wall, you need to look at the three most important goals of your life.

Most goal setting programs ask you to write out your hearts desires, in different areas of your life. What kind of house do you want? What are you driving? Who are your future friends? What is your job title? How much money do you have in the bank? I call these the “froth” goals. They may seem to be the end desires and results that are the goals of your life, but they are not.

The three most important goals are global goals, and all of the “froth” goals are the end results of where your global goals point you. Just to be clear, a froth goal would be really nice deck chairs, on a luxury yacht, compared to the global goals of your heading and destination and why you want to get there. Getting there is half the fun, but not when you arrive someplace you didn’t ever want to go to!

GOAL #1 LIVE A LIFE OF INTEGRITY. To end up in a place of true accomplishment and happiness, you must have a goal of personal and professional integrity. If your “froth” goal is one of great wealth, I can tell you that if you pursue that goal without the guiding goal of personal and professional integrity, it will not bring you happiness. Check over you goals and make sure that none of your goals would involve cheating or hurting others to get what you want.

GOAL #2 DISCOVER YOUR DESTINY. In my early goal setting sessions, I wrote down all sorts of goals that the world had told me were “impressive.” There was only one big problem, they were not MY goals.
Until you work out what God has called you to do in life, you will swim against that current as hard as you can, but you will never arrive where the universe needs you to be. You have an inner love, a preset internal goal that has always been with you. How many parents have “planned” what sort of children they will raise together, only to discover that they came into this world fully programmed with their personality and direction for life? Spend some quiet time looking over your written goals, but also look for the larger unwritten goal. What specific global goal do you want to be using your time on Earth working towards?

GOAL #3 CHOOSE YOUR LEGACY. The last goal that you must have clearly in your mind is the answer to this question: What will your legacy be? What will remain after you are dead and gone? The spark of immortality seems to be inside each of us, and the idea of death seems more like a concept, even though everything tells us we will die, we seem to disbelieve it. You think you are going to live forever, and so far so good, right?
Well, to truly have all your limited time put to its best use, you must stop and ponder this question of what you will leave behind. For some it will be healthy, well loved children, improved lives because you were involved, or an endowment for a specific charity that played a part in your life. I don’t mean for you to set some sort of goal to get your name chiseled in stone, I want you to think long and hard about what sort of ripple you desire to have made in the lives you touched along your path. 100 years from now, no one will care about your body fat percentage, or if you had the latest clothes. Pay it forward, and invest in something that will outlast you.

Once you have a firm set of the three most important goals in your life, you can enjoy the journey, and the nice deck chairs, knowing you are headed in your true direction.

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